I may have caught you off guard, angered you, or perhaps even shocked you. Dear ladies, set aside the stones you’re preparing to throw at me and read what follows.
There’s no need to rush. There is a very valid reason why I’ve chosen to refuse and will never consider helping.
One day, a colleague visited me. We sat in the kitchen, had coffee, and during a heart-to-heart conversation, I offered to clear the table.
My colleague looked at me with surprise and said, “You’re a good man for helping your wife. You clean the table, wash the dishes, and I once washed the floors, and my wife didn’t even acknowledge it. So, I decided not to do anything around the house anymore since gratitude is never forthcoming.”
Now it’s my turn to be surprised. I returned to my desk and explained to my colleague that I don’t help my wife. Cleaning the table after me and our guests is not solely her responsibility; it’s not her duty. We live together in our house, and it belongs to both of us. We share the responsibility of maintaining cleanliness, so doing the dishes, cleaning the floors, or any other task isn’t simply “helping.”
I don’t help my wife clean the house. I live here, these are my belongings, and they should be in order. This furniture is mine, and it shouldn’t gather dust. This is our home, and there should be no shame in inviting guests here.
I am not my wife’s kitchen assistant. I am a human being, and I need to eat, so I am perfectly capable of making myself soup or cooking scrambled eggs for breakfast. I don’t believe cooking should be a challenge for any adult.
I don’t help with washing the dishes. If I used them, I wash them afterward. I dislike seeing a pile of dirty dishes and an unpleasant smell in the kitchen. Spending five minutes at the sink won’t hurt my pride.
I don’t help my wife with the children. I don’t fetch them from school or kindergarten upon request, nor do I check their homework unless my wife can’t manage. I do these things because I am their father. It is my responsibility to raise healthy and educated children.
I don’t help my wife with laundry. These are my clothes, and they should be clean and ironed. I won’t go to work wearing dirty clothes, which means I need to take care of cleanliness myself.
I am not a housekeeper; I am the master of the house. Speaking of gratitude, I asked my colleague when was the last time he thanked his wife for keeping the house clean, ironing his shirt, preparing a delicious dinner, bathing the children, or doing the dishes? And I don’t mean just uttering a “thank you” but expressing genuine gratitude from the heart.
My colleague didn’t answer me. I know many men who read this may complain that managing the household and life is a woman’s responsibility while a man earns the money.
Fine, let’s agree on that. But dear friend, do you earn enough to be exempted? Or are you a tall, handsome macho whose mere appearance makes women swoon? No, you’re an ordinary person who is fully capable of taking care of yourself and doesn’t have the moral right to shift all household duties onto your wife.
You probably grew up in a family where mom was a homemaker, and dad went to work. You’re likely accustomed to having everything done for you, and if you happen to wash the dishes after yourself, your mother and grandmother will shower you with kisses and give you money for a movie. But now you’re an adult, not a child, and times have changed.
Modern women don’t need a breadwinner; they can support themselves. They desire a true partner, a companion in life and at home. They don’t want a temporary guest for a night; they want a host in their own home.
Also, consider the example you’re setting for your children. Do you genuinely want your daughter, in 20, 30, or 40 years, to be torn between raising children, work, and cleaning? If you desire a bright future for your children while maintaining a loving relationship with your partner, start with yourself. You’ll be surprised by how much can change!